Kailey's Birth

Well our sweet baby is now 5 weeks old, she is such a cutie pie and a skinny little thing too though she was a week post due she weighed only 5 lb 4 oz. I went into be induced Feb. 24th @ 5:30 pm-ish expecting and hoping to have a nice mostly natural labor. That did not happen; it couldn't have been more than 15 min after being hooked up to the monitors that the nurse told me I was going to need an emergency c-section. I hadn't had anything done to start labor so I was only having Braxton Hicks contractions but Kailey's heart rate was dropping dangerously low with just those. They hurried me into the operating room and got me ready. I was kind of in shock it was so not what I was expecting. I had had such a normal care free pregnancy that it really blew my mind to know my baby was in so much trouble. They gave me the epidural and dove right in it was so fast that it really didn't have time to set in so it was quite painful and they had to give me a LOT of morphine, because of this I really don't know what time Kailey was born I know they told me but drugs make you forget many a thing the first thing I really remember was the Dr coming in the next morning and telling me that I would have lost the baby had she been in there one more day. . . I wrote the previous two weeks ago when Kailey was 3 weeks. Being a mom is time consuming, Oh and Kailey was born at 8:45 pm. Any how on with the story. . . Kailey had a few things going on the cord was really tight around her neck, she was covered in meconium (sp) or her poop from the womb she had it in her lungs and it took her quite a while for her to breath I got to see her for about 15 sec I gave her a kiss and then they took her to the NICU. Kailey spent 6 days in the NICU but I had to go home after 4 I think leaving her there was the hardest thing I have had to do in my life thus far. She had signs of infection in her blood and also her blood platelet level was low. Over the next 5 days her platelet level kept dropping lower and lower as her breathing and infection issues resolved on the 6th day her platelets jumped up and they let us take her home. I cried twice during the whole thing I cried on the nurse when they were prepping me for the c-sec because I was so sad that I had no idea my baby was in trouble and I cried when I came home without her. J/K I cried more than that but I had blocked it from my mind. You see the last month of my pregnancy I felt really nervous like something was wrong with the baby and I felt like I should go in and have them do a stress test on her but I kept ignoring it because It was an bad time to go in to the hospital or I wrote the feeling off to hormones or something else. I felt so incredibly guilty for ignoring the spirit and putting my baby in danger anytime I had ignored promptings form the spirit before the only person I had hurt was myself so it took me quite a while to forgive myself and just be happy that everything was going to be ok and that is the thing about Kailey’s birth the whole time I knew she would be ok even when I didn't hear her cry in the operating room and when ever they went over all the things they were waiting to stabilize I just knew it was going to be just fine, the funny thing is I felt that way every time I felt like I should go in and get her tested and because Kailey had such a hard time at birth we found out that my blood has anti platelet antigens something that could have been much much worse for Kailey then it ended up being for her so now we know and it won't potentially kill our next child so it is kind of like Kailey could have saved her little brother and or sister that are to come for which I will be forever grateful having a baby really was a spiritual experience even though it was not the spiritual experience I was expecting I am more grateful for life than I have ever been.

Pictures of a Grande Cindy

Well It is Feb 18th so I am one day past my due date. I would really like to not be pregnant any more. Every one in my family was expecting our Little Kailey to be here by now so I was thrown for a loop when every ones predictions came and went. It is weird because usually my family is ALWAYS right like weirdly so anyhow we all wanted her to come over presidents day weekend because every one would have school and work off and we figured it would be mighty convenient, but alas, one is naive to assume/hope children will be convenient.

So, below me you see Mike and I Trying on silly glasses at the mall on Valentines Day we went out to diner and had a grand ol' time I got all dressed up and was happy that Kailey was not going to have to share her B day with a holiday and that she wouldn't have to worry if her friends would be able to hangout with her on her birthday because they all had dates and she was home alone. (That would be so sad)



Anyhow

Here is me using my tummy as a cup holder on Monday 15th, after we made pizza, that's why I have flour all over my shirt. I have an amazingly flat shelf there, very good for holding snacks I think that is one thing I will miss about being prego.




This photo was taken on the 12th of Feb I don't think I've gotten bigger since then but hopefully I will remember to take a photo right before I go into the Hospital





I am really excited to have our baby come though it all does seem a bit surreal still. I have known I was going to be a mommy someday since I was 2 or 3 years old and now with in a matter of hours or days I will suddenly jump into the rest of my life that I have been preparing for my whole life. I'm still just a kid myself but I think I will be OK I have a lot of people that love and support me and a hardworking sweet husband. I think it is a great thing to be a young parent my daughter will have the same age difference as me and my mom I will be young and healthy to enjoy all the events in her life I will be around to see my grand children and great grandchildren assuming my kids don't wait till they're 40 to have kids. I can't imagine waiting 2o or 15 more years to begin my family like most people these days would do.

I feel like I don't have a lot to say today I'm just waiting waiting waiting and it is a little aggravating. I suppose I will go try to walk a few miles and encourage Kailey to come out and say hello to the world hopefully you will have some newborn pics really soon!

The past little bit

So here are my latest Prego pics bottom left is right before Christmas and top Right is today the 22nd of Jan

It took me a while to post the pics because well honestly I had a hard time looking at how cubby I am in my face and arms but my mom told me to get over it and so I did and so there are the pics TA DA!

So here is an update of everything that has been going on the past month or so. . . .
Christmas Eve I got really sick for two weeks and didn't do anything. The week after that Mike got really sick so I was playing nurse lady all week, and the week after that I had such bad gas that I thought I was going into labor or was going to die or something but I figured that was a little dramatic so I stayed homeand did nothing all week and moped and stuff. Now this week I feel GREAT!!! (yay)

I have a ton of energy and I am getting so much done! I have gotten things all organized and bought a lot of things we need for the baby. We decided to move in two weeks lol, ( I think we might be crazy any one bored on Feb 6th feel free to stop on by and help out) Anyhow, so I had to buy furniture (we currently live in a furnished apt) so now we have a couch, a rocking chair and a tv stand, all for only 248$ I really am quite proud of myself. Time seems to be flying by so fast I feel like I'm in a panic to get every thing done before the baby comes and get everything orgainzed and packed so that we can move and have everything organized enough so that if I go into labor people will still be able to move for me. I think I have gotten rid of every thing that i can possilbe get rid of with out starting to randomly throw away my husband's things the only probblem is we still have too much stuff it is a good thing we are moving to a bigger apt we just can't fit any thing more in this place There are only a few things I still need to get for the baby and new apt. I am praying she waits long enough for the car seat to arrive oh and for us to move. She dropped about two weeks ago ( I CAN BREATH!) but I am only 1 cm dialated and to my knowledge I am not effaced but I hear every thing can happen in 24 hrs or so.

I have had a lot of mood swings while I have all this energy and drive to organize or as my husband would put it "Wife is in nesting mode, do not disturb" I think his is feeling a sudden lack of attention I hope he gets a little used to it but I hope even more it doesn't get to bad when the baby is actually here cuz i like my husband a lot and he does requiere a lot of attention. On with the mood swings, I sitll get anxious about all the responcibilty that comes with having a life dependent on you. Normally i would be able to talk to my two best frineds about stuff so that I have a girly emotional relese time but they both recently got engaged and well are much engaged in other activitys. so all my pent up emotion has to come out at my husband ( this is not the type of attention that husband likes) I havn't been angry at him, he has just had a lot more crying to console then usual and then me wondering why it doesn't occur to him to wipe up a mess if he spills something (I dont' know maybe I do get mad at him with all the crying it is hard to remeber)

well sorry i'm so scattered brained with this post hope it makes some sence. Here is a video from New Years Eve of Mike and I being weird and talking to Kailey (I am really sick at this point so my voice is weird and I think Mike is mocking me) and then some baby shower pics for good mesure

So it has been a while

I think I have gotten really big really fast. The top pic is today 28 weeks along then the beginning of this month and then the begging or middle of Oct (not positive on the last date) It seems like you are just going along looking and feeling mostly normal and then suddenly BOOM your stomach is where your lungs once were and normal walking is replaced by a strange waddle. I am only one and a half weeks into my third trimester so I guess this party is just getting started. Things have really been crazy these last few months that is the only excuse I have for not writing. I have been stressed out to the max I go to school full time and work part time and have no time to do everything I want/need to do. Because I have been so tired, I nap enough that it could be another part time job. So, O am either sleeping or eating when i need to be getting school or house work done. Consequently my house and my grades are a mess but, I have a healthy baby in my tummy so that is most important.

I watched a documentary called "In the Womb" by National Geographic the other day and it said something to the effect that if you stress a lot when you are pregnant your baby will be used to having the body symptoms of stress and will be much more likely to be a high stress individual when he or she is older. So, I have been trying to take it easy and follow what my body says to do unfortunately that means I've gotten even less done. At the moment I am OK about it. I feel like it will all work out, school will be done soon enough and it won't matter if i get C's or C-'s in my classes. Heavenly Father will help me do what I need to do and I know for sure he wants me to be a good, healthy mom for this little girl he is placing in my care. I just love her so much! sometimes when she is sleeping I can feel part of her pushing though my skin and I can push around her little hands or feet through my tummy. There is so much love to give her; it is so fun that I can kinda shake her hand, or foot, hello.

I registered at Target today it was fun I tried to only put down the things i needed hopefully people can just print the list online or something and then find a similar item for cheaper. i am worried about the expense of having a 3 person family, registering reminded me how we really have nothing but a few bottles and toys right now and there are big things to buy, car seats, changing table, rocking chair they are all so expensive. also anything that promotes cognitive development while letting you take your eyes off your tot seem to be high priced especially since they will only be used for a year maybe two and then where to store it all till the next one comes along?

in other news

Mike was quite sick for a while he got that thing that is going around starts in your throat and moves into your lungs only he got a sinus infection on top of it that turned into an eye infection I can't get him to rest and take it easy so every day at the end of the day he is miserable here are some pics of me forcing him to drink some airborne

Mike always makes the funniest faces but i can rarely capture them on film so consider yourself privileged

Also I am so super excited to go to thanks giving we will be in Cali for Christmas so I really won't be seeing my extended family over the holidays except for tomorrow. I would also like to add that I made the best yams ever for the dinner tomorrow they are all natural and full of wholesome goodness that won't make your tummy sad at you later. I'm so happy mmmm how could you not love Thanks giving?

Hopefully it won't be too long till my next post, this was really for you, Kipper, I might not have gotten around to it if not for your prompting. Thanks.

Its a Girl!

This is her cute little face all smooshed up agains my tummy

And here is her cute little profile

Today I am 20 weeks and as you can tell from the pics or well the words around the I found out I’m having a girl today! I really really wanted a girl but I didn't want to say really really before I knew had the child been a boy he might have been sad if he ever came across this blog. Not that I would have not loved a boy just as much in fact part of me wanted twins a boy and a girl but just a small tiny part. Now comes the hard part of choosing a name. Mike and I were so set on David and now that is not to be and since there is no girl form of David that I can tell mike and I get to express our very different opinions about girl names. I think mike thinks we are French the first two names he suggested were Auralin and Amille' I will have to think those over but they seems weird to me so far I like Chloe Renee Eva Lilly Lydia Leah Julianne and I like Kayle or Kalie or however I would spell it My favorite name in the whole world for a girl was always Katie I'd been planning on having a Katie since I was16 or so but my nice is already named Katie and she already has a cousin named Kate so hopefully Kaelie or Kaylee or Kaelee won't be too close to Katie I dunno good thing I have some time.

The past few weeks have been rough and I haven't wanted to record much about them mostly because I don't like confirming to the world that I can be a big ole grumpy pain in the bum but I will humble my self so that perhaps others can learn from my experiences. These hormones are doing a number on me. Normally I’m a peace maker and a problem solver presently I am combative and on edge lots/most of the time and when I am not that way I am the brainless wonder well lets say the short term memory less wonder. Mike will tell me the same thing over and over and over again and I end up either remember it wrong or I can’t recall him saying anything about it at all. It doesn’t' help that we are both very stressed out over school right now. It makes up both more prone to justify our cause reasonable or not when ever I pick a fight or really start to squabble, we just both disagree and pout about it and say BUT YOU. . . . . and DON’T I ALWAYS. . . ECT. Really we both sound like annoying teenagers I’m sure.

It is so hard to become your worst self right at the moment you want to become your best self. In the Mormon culture the most noble and divine role you can play is to be a mother, a house wife is the highest position a woman can hold, not because she needs to be barefoot, pregnant and in the kitchen, but because of her Godlike qualities of kindness and gentleness, being a natural nurturer, and having an innate ability to teach God's children in the most loving way. In short I never learned anything in my church that wasn't part of helping me get my future family back to heaven. I love it! IT is the best way of life I can imagine. I have wanted a strong close family my whole life. my earliest life goal was to bring children up under the principles and ordinances of Christ and now at the time when I want to be most Christ like the time and am trying to make sure every thing I learned in my youth is ready to put into action these hormones turn my into the most un Christ like person I can remember being in my whole life. I feel lazy and selfish and combative, I feel to cast blame on others and criticize them it makes me incredible sad to have my natural response be so. . .EW it really bugs me and makes me cry and be more hormonal than ever. God made us women this way and I am under the impression that perfect people don’t make mistakes so there must be a good reason for it if any body knows pass on the wisdom because I really can’t remember anything I learned in Sunday school that makes it ok to act so B--- or umm not nice. ( I would never say a mean word that started with a B just so you know I was just fakin you out)

A little venting

I am 17 weeks along and I think I finally look more pregnant that fat but I’ve reached a new unattractive side of being prego. I feel very grumpy and snappy most the time so I am trying very hard to be kind to my husband but it is difficult because usually I don’t realize how grumpy till it's too late. Also spicy food is now my foe and not even real spicy I’m talking like green bell pepper spicy or mild bowl of chili spicy it is rather annoying as I really like salsa and tacos in fact tacos are my favorite food so I tried to ignore it for a while and lost my lunch yesterday it was quite yucky. So, today I ate some creamy salsa because I guess I’m not a fast learner and I have felt like my tummy was on fire since and now I am scared to eat anything. I’m glad it hasn’t' moved on to heartburn yet but I suspect that will be coming soon. I have a lot of weird nerve pains in my legs and back so I had to get a dorky rolly backpack. I shopped around and most of them were from 30 to 50 bucks so the one I got was 12 dollars but it was about the ugliest thing a person could get so I painted on it and it still looks dorky and ugly but it is better. The last two weeks have been very stressful to me. I had a lot of problems with my classes I got a bum job at the school and almost couldn't get out of it we had Mike' s grandpa's funeral that we had to fly to Cali on Fri for the weekend. I started a new job today and Mike's aunt passed away today so we have another funeral to go to on Tuesday or Wed. I have a major project due on Tues and my first closing shift for my new job is on wed so I am really stressed out about that but I am not supposed to stress because it is bad for the baby so hopefully my life will calm down soon. Just a plug that if you know any one that smokes to encourage them to quit. Mike’s aunt died of lung cancer after smoking for most of her life. the chemo therapy just didn't take for her maybe some one you know would be more lucky but maybe not well that is all for now till next time you are great thanks for reading about all my complaints this week I will try to be more positive next time.

Just How Life is Going

Well in two days I will be 16 weeks along making 4 whole months of pregnancy. The things I have enjoyed the most so far about being pregnant are first not having a period (mine were not pleasant when I had them) and second but most of all how much closer I feel to my sweet husband. Being pregnant has kinda helped us to break down some communication issues we had and helped us to become more team oriented as we prepare to become parents in 5 months.

Every thing with the baby still feels unreal to me even though I heard the baby's heart beat last week. I think when I heard it I was expecting to hear like a squishy swooshy weird sound and I was actually shocked when it sounded like a real heartbeat only faster. It all kind of blows me away but it still feels like it's not real mostly because I am still living life as usual I just started classes last week and I still fit into most of my clothing I read a lot about baby stuff but I did that long before I was pregnant. I think it will feel real to me when I can feel the baby moving inside and when I see my tummy looking a little more pregnant and a little less like a had a large salty lunch.

I went to education two weeks ago at BYU it was really nice I learned a lot about how to be a good wife and mother. I'm so grateful for the gospel of Jesus Christ that lights the way in a confusing world. There is so much hope amid all the scary things my kids will have to deal with growing up and I am eternally grateful for my parents teaching me the path to follow so that I can show my children the path too.

In other news the school semester that just started its going to be very difficult. I will have a lot of home work and time consuming homework at that but hopefully I will learn to be a better artist though it all. My painting teacher is obsessed with teaching us how to grind our own paints and become like Rembrandt or Di Vinci, not to mention he gave my husband a B+ in his drawing class and now he cant' get into Harvard Med School because of it, I will try to put my bitterness aside and learn as much as I can. My drawing teacher is nice but he is going to have us spend the whole semester on two large projects and read books and talk about emotions and feelings and stuff which could be fun and sounds like and easy A but I think I will feel more like and English major than a person who is trying to learn how to accurately draw the world which I will be expected to do. My other drawing class is focused on drawing the human head I hope she teaches me how to do it better I am worried about her class because she wants all the home work drawn from life ( 100 sketches and some large projects) and well, it is hard to get people to sit there for a half hour or more so you can draw their head especially when you suck at it and you are going to be too embarrassed to show them the picture in the end. I also have an illustration class that will be very demanding, I hope I can learn to organize my time I guess it will be good practice for when the baby comes.

Well that is it for me for now happy Labor Day tomorrow!