So it has been a while

I think I have gotten really big really fast. The top pic is today 28 weeks along then the beginning of this month and then the begging or middle of Oct (not positive on the last date) It seems like you are just going along looking and feeling mostly normal and then suddenly BOOM your stomach is where your lungs once were and normal walking is replaced by a strange waddle. I am only one and a half weeks into my third trimester so I guess this party is just getting started. Things have really been crazy these last few months that is the only excuse I have for not writing. I have been stressed out to the max I go to school full time and work part time and have no time to do everything I want/need to do. Because I have been so tired, I nap enough that it could be another part time job. So, O am either sleeping or eating when i need to be getting school or house work done. Consequently my house and my grades are a mess but, I have a healthy baby in my tummy so that is most important.

I watched a documentary called "In the Womb" by National Geographic the other day and it said something to the effect that if you stress a lot when you are pregnant your baby will be used to having the body symptoms of stress and will be much more likely to be a high stress individual when he or she is older. So, I have been trying to take it easy and follow what my body says to do unfortunately that means I've gotten even less done. At the moment I am OK about it. I feel like it will all work out, school will be done soon enough and it won't matter if i get C's or C-'s in my classes. Heavenly Father will help me do what I need to do and I know for sure he wants me to be a good, healthy mom for this little girl he is placing in my care. I just love her so much! sometimes when she is sleeping I can feel part of her pushing though my skin and I can push around her little hands or feet through my tummy. There is so much love to give her; it is so fun that I can kinda shake her hand, or foot, hello.

I registered at Target today it was fun I tried to only put down the things i needed hopefully people can just print the list online or something and then find a similar item for cheaper. i am worried about the expense of having a 3 person family, registering reminded me how we really have nothing but a few bottles and toys right now and there are big things to buy, car seats, changing table, rocking chair they are all so expensive. also anything that promotes cognitive development while letting you take your eyes off your tot seem to be high priced especially since they will only be used for a year maybe two and then where to store it all till the next one comes along?

in other news

Mike was quite sick for a while he got that thing that is going around starts in your throat and moves into your lungs only he got a sinus infection on top of it that turned into an eye infection I can't get him to rest and take it easy so every day at the end of the day he is miserable here are some pics of me forcing him to drink some airborne

Mike always makes the funniest faces but i can rarely capture them on film so consider yourself privileged

Also I am so super excited to go to thanks giving we will be in Cali for Christmas so I really won't be seeing my extended family over the holidays except for tomorrow. I would also like to add that I made the best yams ever for the dinner tomorrow they are all natural and full of wholesome goodness that won't make your tummy sad at you later. I'm so happy mmmm how could you not love Thanks giving?

Hopefully it won't be too long till my next post, this was really for you, Kipper, I might not have gotten around to it if not for your prompting. Thanks.

Its a Girl!

This is her cute little face all smooshed up agains my tummy

And here is her cute little profile

Today I am 20 weeks and as you can tell from the pics or well the words around the I found out I’m having a girl today! I really really wanted a girl but I didn't want to say really really before I knew had the child been a boy he might have been sad if he ever came across this blog. Not that I would have not loved a boy just as much in fact part of me wanted twins a boy and a girl but just a small tiny part. Now comes the hard part of choosing a name. Mike and I were so set on David and now that is not to be and since there is no girl form of David that I can tell mike and I get to express our very different opinions about girl names. I think mike thinks we are French the first two names he suggested were Auralin and Amille' I will have to think those over but they seems weird to me so far I like Chloe Renee Eva Lilly Lydia Leah Julianne and I like Kayle or Kalie or however I would spell it My favorite name in the whole world for a girl was always Katie I'd been planning on having a Katie since I was16 or so but my nice is already named Katie and she already has a cousin named Kate so hopefully Kaelie or Kaylee or Kaelee won't be too close to Katie I dunno good thing I have some time.

The past few weeks have been rough and I haven't wanted to record much about them mostly because I don't like confirming to the world that I can be a big ole grumpy pain in the bum but I will humble my self so that perhaps others can learn from my experiences. These hormones are doing a number on me. Normally I’m a peace maker and a problem solver presently I am combative and on edge lots/most of the time and when I am not that way I am the brainless wonder well lets say the short term memory less wonder. Mike will tell me the same thing over and over and over again and I end up either remember it wrong or I can’t recall him saying anything about it at all. It doesn’t' help that we are both very stressed out over school right now. It makes up both more prone to justify our cause reasonable or not when ever I pick a fight or really start to squabble, we just both disagree and pout about it and say BUT YOU. . . . . and DON’T I ALWAYS. . . ECT. Really we both sound like annoying teenagers I’m sure.

It is so hard to become your worst self right at the moment you want to become your best self. In the Mormon culture the most noble and divine role you can play is to be a mother, a house wife is the highest position a woman can hold, not because she needs to be barefoot, pregnant and in the kitchen, but because of her Godlike qualities of kindness and gentleness, being a natural nurturer, and having an innate ability to teach God's children in the most loving way. In short I never learned anything in my church that wasn't part of helping me get my future family back to heaven. I love it! IT is the best way of life I can imagine. I have wanted a strong close family my whole life. my earliest life goal was to bring children up under the principles and ordinances of Christ and now at the time when I want to be most Christ like the time and am trying to make sure every thing I learned in my youth is ready to put into action these hormones turn my into the most un Christ like person I can remember being in my whole life. I feel lazy and selfish and combative, I feel to cast blame on others and criticize them it makes me incredible sad to have my natural response be so. . .EW it really bugs me and makes me cry and be more hormonal than ever. God made us women this way and I am under the impression that perfect people don’t make mistakes so there must be a good reason for it if any body knows pass on the wisdom because I really can’t remember anything I learned in Sunday school that makes it ok to act so B--- or umm not nice. ( I would never say a mean word that started with a B just so you know I was just fakin you out)

A little venting

I am 17 weeks along and I think I finally look more pregnant that fat but I’ve reached a new unattractive side of being prego. I feel very grumpy and snappy most the time so I am trying very hard to be kind to my husband but it is difficult because usually I don’t realize how grumpy till it's too late. Also spicy food is now my foe and not even real spicy I’m talking like green bell pepper spicy or mild bowl of chili spicy it is rather annoying as I really like salsa and tacos in fact tacos are my favorite food so I tried to ignore it for a while and lost my lunch yesterday it was quite yucky. So, today I ate some creamy salsa because I guess I’m not a fast learner and I have felt like my tummy was on fire since and now I am scared to eat anything. I’m glad it hasn’t' moved on to heartburn yet but I suspect that will be coming soon. I have a lot of weird nerve pains in my legs and back so I had to get a dorky rolly backpack. I shopped around and most of them were from 30 to 50 bucks so the one I got was 12 dollars but it was about the ugliest thing a person could get so I painted on it and it still looks dorky and ugly but it is better. The last two weeks have been very stressful to me. I had a lot of problems with my classes I got a bum job at the school and almost couldn't get out of it we had Mike' s grandpa's funeral that we had to fly to Cali on Fri for the weekend. I started a new job today and Mike's aunt passed away today so we have another funeral to go to on Tuesday or Wed. I have a major project due on Tues and my first closing shift for my new job is on wed so I am really stressed out about that but I am not supposed to stress because it is bad for the baby so hopefully my life will calm down soon. Just a plug that if you know any one that smokes to encourage them to quit. Mike’s aunt died of lung cancer after smoking for most of her life. the chemo therapy just didn't take for her maybe some one you know would be more lucky but maybe not well that is all for now till next time you are great thanks for reading about all my complaints this week I will try to be more positive next time.

Just How Life is Going

Well in two days I will be 16 weeks along making 4 whole months of pregnancy. The things I have enjoyed the most so far about being pregnant are first not having a period (mine were not pleasant when I had them) and second but most of all how much closer I feel to my sweet husband. Being pregnant has kinda helped us to break down some communication issues we had and helped us to become more team oriented as we prepare to become parents in 5 months.

Every thing with the baby still feels unreal to me even though I heard the baby's heart beat last week. I think when I heard it I was expecting to hear like a squishy swooshy weird sound and I was actually shocked when it sounded like a real heartbeat only faster. It all kind of blows me away but it still feels like it's not real mostly because I am still living life as usual I just started classes last week and I still fit into most of my clothing I read a lot about baby stuff but I did that long before I was pregnant. I think it will feel real to me when I can feel the baby moving inside and when I see my tummy looking a little more pregnant and a little less like a had a large salty lunch.

I went to education two weeks ago at BYU it was really nice I learned a lot about how to be a good wife and mother. I'm so grateful for the gospel of Jesus Christ that lights the way in a confusing world. There is so much hope amid all the scary things my kids will have to deal with growing up and I am eternally grateful for my parents teaching me the path to follow so that I can show my children the path too.

In other news the school semester that just started its going to be very difficult. I will have a lot of home work and time consuming homework at that but hopefully I will learn to be a better artist though it all. My painting teacher is obsessed with teaching us how to grind our own paints and become like Rembrandt or Di Vinci, not to mention he gave my husband a B+ in his drawing class and now he cant' get into Harvard Med School because of it, I will try to put my bitterness aside and learn as much as I can. My drawing teacher is nice but he is going to have us spend the whole semester on two large projects and read books and talk about emotions and feelings and stuff which could be fun and sounds like and easy A but I think I will feel more like and English major than a person who is trying to learn how to accurately draw the world which I will be expected to do. My other drawing class is focused on drawing the human head I hope she teaches me how to do it better I am worried about her class because she wants all the home work drawn from life ( 100 sketches and some large projects) and well, it is hard to get people to sit there for a half hour or more so you can draw their head especially when you suck at it and you are going to be too embarrassed to show them the picture in the end. I also have an illustration class that will be very demanding, I hope I can learn to organize my time I guess it will be good practice for when the baby comes.

Well that is it for me for now happy Labor Day tomorrow!

Ever changing symptoms and brilliant husband

Well I'm 13 weeks along, so some would say I am in the last week of my first trimester. However, in Utah they just changed it so that the first trimester lasts through week 16. Nobody told me why they did this but as Utah is the only place that made the switch I can't imagine the reason is all that significant cause after all things are only significant if everybody's doin' it. Except for important things like keeping the commandments (those 10 important ones people tend to ignore) and working to make an aids vaccine but, well, that would be a LONG rant and I'm not sure I would have the vocabulary to back it up, best talk to my husband, he is brilliant. He is so brilliant that he got the #1 score on the ACS test in our university, that is the American Chemistry Society for anyone who wants to know, and he ranked 85th in the nation for placement on the test. Math and science don't come naturally for my sweetie every grade he earns he works his brains out for so I Just wanted to announce to the world that I am incredibly proud of him. I feel blessed beyond measure to have such a hard working husband. Back to pregnancy bits, sometimes I feel like I am starting to show but most the time I think I am just bloated. This is because some days I look really pregnant and other days I look like my same old self, and then on some days I look like three different people depending on the time. Oh, and I lied to any one that I told my morning sickness was going away. I used to just feel nauseous all the time and now I’ve moved on to throwing up with out warning. It has only happened three times this last week but sine I’d only thrown up 4 time my whole life before I was pregnant you can see why that seems a lot to me.

Till next week~ Cindy

Words Are Important

Preparing to be a young mom is scary. There is so much I feel I need to do before I can be the type of mom I want to be. In many ways I feel I am still a kid myself, going through the ups and downs of life, trying to keep my room/apartment clean, keeping up with my school work, keeping up with my friends and their boyfriends, trying to make new friends and most of all trying to set goals that will eventually turn me in to a real adult if I ever get around to accomplishing any of them.

One of my goals that I really am determined to follow through with, not like promising to work out every day or something, but one that I feel is necessary to achieve before my little one is born in February, it is to be able to control my tongue or as Elder Holland of the quorum of the 12 would say, “To be able to speak with the tongue of angels.” I have never had a problem with cursing. a word that was actually considered a swear word never escaped my mouth until I was 17 and then it was a conspicuous damn that slipped out while I was singing a song in my car. At first I was quite embarrassed I usually am able to slip in a nice “darn” or some nonsense word in place of curse words. Once I realized I had used a curse word for the first time I quoted the funniest movie quote I could think of that cursed which at the time was Prof. Higgins form my fair lady saying damn 3 times in a very perturbed tone because he had just been foiled by a woman. I’m afraid it was all down hill from there.
After that I became quite sarcastic and discovered an ability to make people feel stupid when they tried to argue with me especially in the form of making men dig themselves a hole that gets deeper and deeper just to prove a woman’s superior bantering skills. There was also a fact that I have always been fascinated with the lives of other people, what their reasoning are, why they do what they do, predicting the outcome if a person was placed in a certain situation. A fascination with human behavior can often lead to gossip when your best friend shares the same interest. I was never a bad gossip I would say but the sarcasm which is so natural to the mouth would sneak in to conversations and boom there would be an unkind remark behind some ones back.
When I turned 19 I decided I wanted to go on a mission for the LDS church when I turned 21 and did my best to reform all unkind speaking and sarcasm and vowed that that “D” word would never escape my lips again as I prepared for the next 3 years to serve on a mission. I never did go on a mission I got married to my sweet husband and found in myself everything that I ever wanted to be except one thing, my speech took a serious regression. I decided that the cures word used in the bible had to be ok and I became adjusted to humor that I never would have tolerated back in the day.
My parents were great examples I have never heard either one of them swear or make an off colored joke, they might occasionally make a racist remark but it is never in humor it is out of ignorance of the change of what is sociably acceptable for the time. I want to set the same example for my children with the improvement of always being politically correct when I speak. I believe that this example will be one of self control intelligence and one that will keep the spirit in the lives of my family.
I became so inspired to make this change in my life when I listened to a talk on Sunday from the April 2007 general conference of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. Elder Holland quoted form the New Testament these words:

Eph. 4:29-32 (Sorry I couldn't make the underlines go away)
Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but that which is good to the use of edifying, that it may minister grace unto the hearers. And grieve not the holy Spirit of God, whereby ye are sealed unto the day of redemption. Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and clamour, and evil speaking, be put away from you, with all malice: And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ’s sake hath forgiven you.

As a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints I strive to be above that of the popular ways of the world and look towards Christ teachings, old and new, to make my life and the life of my family better. Imagine the self control one could master by bridling the tongue and speaking only kindness and edifying things but, most importantly, as the scripture above suggests, we would, “grieve not the holy Spirit of God” that he would remain in our hearts helping us be better able to serve God’s purposes, resist temptation and set the example that Christians ought to set. I fully recommend listening to the talk or reading it you can get to it from the following link http://www.lds.org/conference/sessions/display/0,5239,23-1-690,00.html Saturday morning session 7th talk down The Tongue of Angels by Jeffery R Holland
I hope I didn’t sound too soap boxish. I like to expound on things, I have since I was a very little girl. Thoughts usually don’t escape my head until I have come up with a sermon about the subject or at least a well thought out essay outline. It probably drives some people crazy but the great thing about this blog is if you don’t care you can skim through the entry or ignore it all together as most of the world will and I have the pleasure of expounding all I want!

Yesterday makes me 11 weeks with child. It is so interesting for me to figure out every thing that is happening with the little person in side of me. Right now he is aprox 2 inches long not counting legs, every little organ he needs to live is there just not as functional as it will eventually be and now my baby really does have fingernails (Unless Juno -from the movie- was 11 weeks along when she went to the clinic she was lied to.) I had some interesting things happening in my intestines yesterday and so even though I know its not true I felt like I could feel the baby jumping around so I guess that is a positive to having gas because it won’t really be the baby I feel for quite some time.

I have recently learned the most wonderful news about pregnancy in my family. My mom was in labor with me for a total of two hrs and 27 min at the hospital with only 7 min of pushing. My grandma is also known for a speedy birth with her youngest child they got to the hospital and put her in the room and my Grandma and Grandpa both tried to tell the nurse that babies come out really fast the nurse shrugged them off and said it was ok and she would be right back, the nurse left the room my grandpa delivered the baby and sat it on my grandmas chest yelled for the doctor and then yelled at the doctor explaining if any thing was wrong with that baby he would sue the pants off of him. This family history is quite exciting. The longest labor I have heard of in my family is 16 hrs on my dad’s side considering I’ve heard of it going on for 30 hrs plus I am excited. On the contrasting view I now get to be afraid that my baby will come so fast and the cord will be around his neck or something or he will be coming the wrong way and there will be too much trauma too fast but I am trying not to worry about it just be prepared in the back of my head

I really wish I had something funny to report this week but for the sake of my husband I guess it is good that he hasn't had to deal with any crazy antics from me

Pregnacy so far

Yesterday I had my First official Dr appointment for the little one. I'm all healthy and every thing seems to be progressing normally. My official due date is FEB 17th 2009. When I first saw the little pink plus sign I was in complete shock. Mike and I were hoping to wait and plan a bundle of joy when it would be most convenient, like we did when we got married, just get the whole thing over with over Christmas break or something and then get back to school. Well turns out life and babies are not convenient especially for two college students. So we will be having this baby in the middle of my husband’s hardest semester. As a Pre Med student he will be in the second part of ORGANIC CHEMISTRY (bolded to represent the dread that goes along with that course) along with other tough classes. So, we will need a lot of prayers and support when the time comes to welcome our little one home.

The first weeks of pregnancy were a breeze just a little tummy ewwies, minor headaches and extreme hunger, Oh and when those positive community commercials would come on TV with handicapped kids helping each other and families spending time together I would start crying. These are the symptoms I thought I had along with the physical body changes. I was however, informed by my husband that I was also moody and forgetful starting about week 7. I of course had read the posts online and knew of the women who were irritated beyond belief at just the sight of their spouse. Moody I thought this man has not seen moody and it is true because at the end of week 9 (About 4 days ago) I became a hormonal monster for a bout an hour.

I will tell you the story because I find it hilarious. Please recognize I am telling the story from my perspective then, which may make my sweet husband appear insensitive. He is not, and if you could see his poor bewildered face as his wife suddenly turned into a psycho you would surely understand his side of the story.

So, we come home from a LONG day at my parents house, it was my dad's 50th Birthday celebration and we had been running around all day consequently I did not get a nap all day long. I had cleaned all morning while Mike was out paint balling so we left right after he got home. We left the party at 8:30 and had a 45 min drive home so we get home at 9:15 and I just wanted to go to sleep but, my husband and I teach a Sunday school class for 16 and 17 year olds and we occasionally bribe them with treats, so I had a Brownie mix I was going to make. I had carefully read all of the packages at the store and selected the one brand that contained no hydrogenated oils and planed on using some wheat flour to give them more nutritional content but I just couldn’t get my self to do it.

So I get the Brownie mix which is in a little bag and I go sit on the love seat that is directly behind Mike's computer as he is playing a video game. The nerve of that man, out playing with his friends from 9am to 3pm while I clean house and now I've got to go cook while he plays more. That, my friends, was not going to fly. So I sat behind him wondering how the heck I was going to get my husband to stop playing and go fix the stupid brownies. The only thing I can think of is to throw the mix into his lap and hope he gets the picture and/or looks at me and sees how exhausted I am and sweetly would ask what he could do to help poor tired wife. I throw the mix at my husband and it bounces off the bag of his chair and I remember my depth perception has not been up to par lately. My pride is wounded over my bad aim but worst of all, my husband completely ignored my action. What should I do now? Well I will have to try again I pick up the brownie mix and slump back into the chair make sure I look pathetic and exhausted and chuck the mix at him again. This time it hits him on the side of the head and shoulder and he turns to me and says, “Stop it you are being kinda annoying." Annoying? ANNOYING!!! I am not annoying if he wants annoying I will give him annoying. I gather the brownie mix I sit down and aim to chuck the bag at his head. Ironically this time it ended up in his lap. He picks up my carefully selected precious brownie mix and throws it into the closet and says, "Hon"(as if it will soften the blow)," you are being REALLY annoying right now" at which point I replied, "YOU need to make those" and he responded with some I'm too tiered remark. Well if a woman is pregnant then the man has no excuse to be tiered. Is he single handedly growing a person in side of him? No, has he been cleaning up all day long, picking up messes that are made by him that he seems to think magically disappear? Tired! You are not tiered; I didn't even get my nap today. I relate this information to him and stomp out of the room.

After a while he pokes his head into the room like a child looking into a closet waiting to see if the monster will jump out. When he see's I am relatively calm and have no objects to throw in my hands he comes and sits by me and asks why I threw the mix at him and I said," I told you. You need to make those brownies" and he says," don't you think there could have been a better way to communicate that to me?" to which a reply a sassy NO and say ," it was just a little brownie bag" and then he says, get this," it was heavy" my husband had just elected to have people shoot at him all morning and give him welts all over his body for fun and he will lift weights in the hundreds of pounds and a little brownie mix that weighs 1 lb tops is heavy? I explain the hypocrisy to him and tell him he isn't aloud to be hypocritical and tell pregnant women they are annoying cuz that is RUDE. Then he reminds me that I really was being annoying at this point I can see that but I will not concede. I tell him that he is annoying all the time and I never tell him so because it is not nice. Like when I have to ask him to clean up the same mess 10 times, (the particular mess I referred to is still there) or when he walks around while brushing his teeth and drools all over the floors if the whole apartment. Both annoying things that happen every day that I never call him annoying for. Michael puts of his adorable face the one that I’m afraid our kids will have and use to get away with things and say's he's sorry and promises to do the dishes the next day then starts nuzzling me like a cat. I don’t know why Mike acts like a cat but it is so funny it is really hard to me mad at him when he does it especially if you know how macho and manly he typically tries to be but in any case the cat conquered the hormone monster and while the brownies were never made, all is well in the end and Mike and I seem to have successfully made it through our very first argument. That is right a year of dating a year and a half of marriage and that was our first fight. (Maybe that is why I find the whole thing so funny.) I have to say my life is really good. I am blessed to have such a wonderful caring husband who loves me so much even if he can be . . . frustrating sometimes.